If I were a cat, Darwin’s theory of evolution would certainly be in need of a major reevaluation. My personal version of the evolutionary tree would look nothing like what you’ve been taught in biology class—there would be some major adjustments.

First and foremost, at the very top of the hierarchy, there would be cats. Obviously. Cats are the pinnacle of evolution. They’re sleek, independent, and far too intelligent for the average human to comprehend. In this world, cats reign supreme, effortlessly manipulating their human servants to meet their every need, whether it’s feeding time, a comfortable lap, or the perfect spot in the sun. Cats are simply on a higher level of existence, not to mention their ability to get what they want with a mere glance or a soft meow. It’s clear that they are the rulers of the evolutionary ladder.

Just below cats, but still comfortably above everything else, are dogs. They might be loyal, but let’s face it, they’re not nearly as advanced. They might be more useful in some ways—guarding houses, fetching sticks, and looking cute in videos—but when it comes to true intelligence, self-reliance, and sheer dignity, dogs are far behind. They’re a step down, but still worthy of recognition for their companionship and effort. Still, I don’t think they’d mind being second in line to their feline overlords.

Then, we have humans. Humans are, of course, an interesting species, but in the grand evolutionary scheme, they are nothing more than amusing primates who can invent technology and write books. They’ve got some cognitive abilities, but they lack the grace, agility, and true understanding that cats possess. Their overconfidence often leads them to believe they’re at the top of the food chain, but honestly, their actions often prove otherwise. They are far less adept at surviving on their own without the help of their gadgets. In my view, monkeys would get a higher place on the ladder than humans. They may lack the technological sophistication, but at least they still have that raw, natural survival instinct that humans seem to have lost somewhere along the way.

Monkeys, then, would hold the next rung on the ladder. They may not have the ability to dominate the way humans or dogs do, but they have that essential thing that humans seem to lack: pure, unfiltered animal instincts. Monkeys are not easily manipulated. They have agility, intelligence, and a certain freedom that humans are constantly trying (and failing) to recapture. They’re definitely more in touch with nature than people, and that earns them a higher place.

Everything else falls into the category of “lesser beings.” While they might still occupy a place on the evolutionary chart, it’s clear that the true focus is on the majestic hierarchy I’ve outlined. For example, amphibians—well, let’s be honest—are at the bottom. They’re practically irrelevant to advanced beings like cats. Sure, they might be important for the ecosystem, but for a cat, they’re nothing more than a tasty snack. They’re just down there, crawling around, while the higher beings look down upon them.

In summary, if I were a cat, the evolutionary chart would be dramatically reshaped to reflect the undeniable superiority of felines, the subservient yet loyal status of dogs, the occasionally useful but ultimately less evolved humans, and the deserving position of monkeys who still hold on to the natural world in ways humans can only dream of. And as for the rest of the creatures? They’re simply background noise in the grand story of evolution, far removed from the brilliance of a cat’s majestic existence.

Collage on wooden board, 20×20 in, 2025